We are off to the hills above Hebden Bridge where we will visit the collection of Colden (this scatter of farmsteads doesn't really deserve the description hamlet) and Heptonstall, a quaint Pennine village which doesn't even have a tarmac covered main street.

Meet at 11:10am, in Victoria Station at the gateline ready for the 11:21 train towards Leeds, from which we will alight at Hebden Bridge at 11:48. Fingers crossed the train isn't delayed as we need to catch the 12:06 mini-bus number 596 destined for Blackshaw Head just outside the station. Should this be missed the 12:36 bus only goes as far as Slack (yes that is the name of the village) needing a 10 minute walk along the road to reach the first pub.

Assuming we catch the 12:06 ex rail station 596 bus, it takes us direct to our first pub, the New Delight Inn in Colden, and drops us right outside. At first glance the continuous line of windows on the second floor suggests that may have been to light a weaver's loom, as was the case back in the day when small farmers supplemented their income by weaving cloth pieces on their top floor. The windows don't, however, stretch the full length of the house, which is a bit unusual. Whatever goes on upstairs, downstairs is a typical Pennine farmers pub with its stone flagged floor and such modern amenities as toilets added later in the dainty lounge. They do purvey food in the form of pies and sandwiches (on teacakes as we are in Yorkshire), but the number is limited so first come first served. Full meals are available at our next two outlets as a back-up. Buses are hourly from here at 27 past the hour from right outside the door. Alternatively a 13 minute walk will get you back to the Slack terminus from where busses leave on the hour should you wish to move on early.

There is an option for a very pleasant walk down Colden Water, then skirting along the top of Eaves Woods thence in to Heptonstall. This does take 30 to 40 minutes so cuts in to drinking time, but does pass this pleasant Grade II Hebble Hole clapper bridge right. The perambulatory challenged (and those desperate for their next drink) should use the bus back to Heptonstall with the bus stop outside the pub's front door at 27 minutes past the hour.

Back in Heptonstall itself there are two pubs to visit and both do food. Alternatively if there are any with literary leanings they can also visit the grave of Sylvia Plath smudge (smudge because the second name may or may not be on the headstone on your visit), and those with a money clipping bent could visit King David's grave. The churchyard is also worth visiting as it contains not one but two churches! If that's not enough, there is an octagonal chapel down the road as well.

The first pub we will visit, the White Lion is everything you would expect from an old village pub, multiple rooms, beams, an open fire in winter and food supplied for the weary traveller. In the week, the fayre is utilitarian pie and peas, but at the weekend a chef ups the offering, right up to full Sunday Roasts on the Sabbath. There is also a pleasant sun-trap garden to the rear. Those using the amenities may be confused, and think they have actually entered a Wetherspoon's as the loos are located upstairs!

Our second pub, the Cross Inn nee Union Cross, nee Stocks Inn is an amalgam of several properties, the earliest dated 1617 (but this replaced an even earlier hostelry). If you get a chance take a look at the outside and try to find a carving of a Quaker man and a chimney dated 1636. Clue, don't search the front as that is all Victorian. As befits its multiple property heritage, there are many rooms to be investigated.

How could such a small village sustain two pubs next door to each other? Heptonstall used to be on the M62 of the 17th century. This was the old pack horse route that came from Halifax, through Highroad Well, Warley, Luddenden then across the Hebden Beck and up the notorious Buttress (if you follow the link please note the mistake in the opening sentence, they are setts not cobbles!). Some idiots even try biking up it in one gowithout stopping (again cobbles!) After Heptonstall the route then continued through Blackshaw Head and along the Long Causeway towards Burnley. There are, reputedly, carved stone mileposts as far away as Clitheroe giving the distance to Halifax! We are now leaving the hills and dropping in to Happy Valley so why not watch the series here and see how many locations you can spot.

At the bottom of the hill we will be entering the Fox & Goose, Yorkshire's first community owned co-operative pub. As you enter you will notice we are still in the stone flagged flooring regime. Apart from the three internal rooms, there is also a beer garden to the rear with great views which, due to the slope of the hill, you have to go upstairs to access! Many awards have been made to the pub, ranging from Calderdale to Yorkshire Pub of The Year. They try and stock at least one vegan and one dark beer as well as real cider(s). As you leave, note the very sharp junction which, to avoid long vehicles getting stuck as they try to negotiate the bend, a turning circle (used by the bus) was created many years back, but you still get idiots trying to make the turn (captured here on Google Street View).

This was originally designed as a tour of the hills above Hebden Bridge, but it would be rude not to try a couple of pubs in passing. To this end we will take a short walk towards the town centre and, after carefully crossing the very busy road, enter the Drink. This is ostensibly a bottle shop, but three draft beers are available to drink on the premises, along with anything from a bottle/can. As well as the small bar area there is a lounge (describes the décor better than room) upstairs. For those leaving early, there is a pleasant walk either along the canal bank or across the park back to the station from here.

Those taking their life into their hand will again cross the busy main road and enter the main part of Hebden Bridge where, as Bridge Gate becomes pedestrianised, to the right and hidden down a side ginnel is the Hidden Hebden. Reportedly this is another first, this time Calderdale's first micro-pub. Six ales are dispensed in the, as the locals would say flag floored bar (that's flagstones to out comers), with one usually being dark. For those wanting their tea (Yorkshire term for the 5/6pm meal), food from the adjacent pizzeria may be consumed inside or outside the pub. Another option is a chip shop in the next road which does proper Yorkshire fishcakes, ie pieces of fish sandwiched between two slabs of potato and all covered in (hopefully crispy) batter.

A trip to Hebden Bridge can't be contemplated without imparting the information that, should we hear an eerie wailing sound it is NOT an attack by the Luftwaffe, but a flood. The Environment Agency maintains a string of sirens up and down the valley to warn of impending flooding. You can watch them testing the new Stubbing Wharf (near the bus turning circle/Fox & Goose) here. You can watch a good video compilation of one set of floods, WARNING: contains heavy metal as it is imaginatively set to Led Zeppelin's Let The Levee Break soundtrack! Another option is to keep an eye open for the occasional "Flood reached this depth" marker dotted around the town.

Arrive	Leave	Pub	Address	Food
11:10am	11:10am	Meet Manchester Victoria Station by ticket barrier
11:20am	11:48am	Train to Hebden Bridge
12:06pm	12:25pm	Take Blackshaw Head bound 596 outside station. Should this be missed the 12:36 bus turns round at Slack, but the pub is only a further 10 minutes walk away.
12:25pm	1:25pm	New Delight Inn	Jack Bridge, Colden HX7 7HT	Limited
1:27pm	1:37pm	Hebden Bridge bound 596 outside pub, alight Heptonstall
1:40pm	2:35pm	White Lion	58 Towngate, Heptonstall HX7 7NB	Food
2:35pm	3:35pm	Cross Inn	46 Towngate, Heptonstall HX7 7NB	Food
3:37pm	3:41pm	Hebden Bridge bound 596 around corner, alight Heptonstall Road
3:45pm	4:45pm	Fox & Goose	7 Heptonstall Road, Hebden Bridge HX7 6AZ
4:45pm	5:30pm	Drink	15 Market Street, Hebden Bridge HX7 6EU
5:30pm	6:15pm	Hidden Hebden	3 The Courtyard, Bridge Gate, Hebden Bridge HX7 8EX	No, but yes
6:12pm 6:31pm 6:58pm 7:12pm 7:31pm	6:52pm 7:01pm 7:30pm 7:52pm 8:01pm	Alternative trains from Hebden Bridge to Victoria

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